Forgive Me For Cheating...

Do you know the feeling of being heartbroken? Finding yourself at the peak of depression because someone you counted on has defied the words of comittment spoken from their lips with their actions. 

I remember putting my trust in countless men, dreams, and even myself and weeping over the disappointment of rejection or inadequacy. My first love held the gift of my innocence, pure...fearless compassion, and selflessness but suggested more. I remember loving him so much that when he was no longer there, I felt as though he'd taken my ability to love again with him. The emotions I was left with even at times caused me physical pain in my heart.

I found love again. From someone that doesn't judge me from what others have done. His embrace is what I desire when the pain of my past tries to creep in. 

But I can't even tell you the reason why I can't seem to be faithful. I want to set a standard with my fidelity but I find myself seeking a temporary, meaningless fix when it seems like he's neglecting me. 

Though I am not worthy and I don't think I'm capable of returning the favor, he continues to forgive me. Despite my infidelity, he bestows invaluable gifts that are unexpected and way bigger than I could imagine in my hands. When those things I turned my back on him for, almost turned fatal, he rescued me. His love for me has not changed or lessened due to my behavior. 

I weep now ashamed of the way that I have been to God. I pray he forgives me for causing his love and forgiveness to be in vain at times. He loves me so much, it killed him...I want to love him so much that it kills me too...kills my flesh so that my soul is vulnerable enough to attach to his...so my love can be a mirror and correct the errors I've made in our relationship.

"Patience" by Tera Carissa

For anyone that follows my blog, this word that Tera Carissa gives is just a little more that could go along with my last post on FAITH. This lady is TRULY anointed and this is a due season word.

Click here to listen to the word she gave on the conference call last night!!

FAITH! (the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen)

Faith is the first thing that is required as a Christian but also the hardest for people to practice. James 2:17 is clear "faith without works is dead." We must also do our part with consistent prayer and fasting. Many times we pray for God to move in our favor but get impatient when its not in OUR time. God already answers our requests in advance, there is just a period we have to go through as a test. He wants to know if we can really remain patient and faithful even if he doesn't see fit to give us an immediate response. 

We are all familiar with the phrase, "if you're gonna pray about it, why worry...if you're going to worry about it, why pray?" So why do we? God promises to never leave or forsake us. If he is willing to always take care of us, why do we forsake him? When we turn to others for help or stress about things we enlisted him to help with, it is a reflection of our inner feelings. Not only can God hear our prayers, he knows our hearts. If the inner man is insecure and questions the motives of the Lord, then of course the testing time will be longer. 

Matthew 21:22 says "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." (NIV)

The key word is BELIEVE. 


If you expect to receive something in exchange for prayer you have to believe it's coming. That means acting as if your prayer has already been answered, praising God even more for listening and letting his will be done.

If you're wondering why some of your prayers haven't been answered or your blessing seems to be forgotten take comfort in knowing that a prayer delayed is not denied. But sometimes I wonder (yes, EVEN ME) ...why the delay? Isaiah 43:7 reminds us that we were created for HIS glory. If God did not delay some things in our lives we would become content and LAZY...we would always expect him to give us what we want right when we asked. God takes his time just to remind us who to count on and depend on for help, giving him the credit and appreciation he's due. Also, there are just some trials that are necessary to reveal the God in us. (Romans 8:18-30)


A friend of mine always says, the harder your trial, the shinier your crown...which proves to be true all the time. I find that the longer my waiting and testing period is, the more my blessing blows my mind. In my experience, STRONG faith has given me not only what I thought I wanted, but things I never knew I needed. God's time is not our time and his will is not always what we want or expect. 

If you feel like God isn't moving in your favor, pray that he moves you closer to him.